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Why Can't We Be Friends?

Hot take that might be controversial, but then again, just look at the rest of my work. Controversial is what I do best.

Queerbaiting isn’t real. You are just overanalyzing everything. I had talked about this before with people, and it was funny because Emma was telling me after I proposed this idea for an article that she and her roommate were talking about it also.

I don’t think Queerbating is a real thing. I think we have false advertising of characters and stories, but I don’t think they are baiting anyone. I think the gay community and its allies, in general, are looking into every minuscule detail to find any form of subtext to justify the amount of representation they want, and they are constantly let down when every character that looks at someone of the same gender isn’t sexually attracted to them.

And I’m not going to lie; I fell victim to this when I first started to realize my sexuality. I would get so excited when I saw characters that were the same as me especially being representation for the gay community is relatively new. But if you go into every show, movie, or book expecting the cast to be gay unless it is canon, then don’t be disappointed when you overanalyze the work and get left with nothing you expected from the characters.

What I genuinely don’t understand, and I’ve spoken a lot about this with friends when we debate this, but you never see this happening with female characters nearly as much as the male ones. Male characters are lucky if they can look at each other and not get shipped, whereas female characters to be shipped tend to have some substance to the claims because you don’t see them as often, and people, in general, seem to settle more with female friendships, unlike male ones.

Another hot-take, I don’t think Achilles and Patroclus were lovers, and I know my friend is going to kill me because she studied the classics and feels that they are. But I truly don’t think they are. I think their story is one of male friendship. Men, on average, don’t have nearly as many friends as women do, but studies have shown that the bonds are stronger.

Look at any the war movie, are those men gay for one another? No. But they are willing to lay down their life at an instant for their friends, and when they die, their friends stop at nothing to avenge them. That aspect of loving someone so much that you can’t live without them or that you see them as part of you is not reserved just for sexual and romantic relationships. Platonic relationships are some of the strongest we can create. Throughout history, we have seen the lengths people in these relationships are willing to go to protect, respect, and care for the person they are with.

Platonic relationships between men have been stripped from the entertainment industry, and that might be why many men, especially more traditional men, are rejecting the newer forms of entertainment that are coming out because they don’t want the idea of being gay and not having male friendships being shoved down their throat. Why is it okay for two girls to be friends or men and women in entertainment to be friends, but once we get to two men, it has to be gay?

Don’t overthink characters and their intentions. Men are allowed to be friends. Please let them be friends.

For the sake of men, let men be friends with men.


Parting is such sweet sorrow, but until we meet again.

With love,

Richard V.

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